I've been at this red pilling things for years. Probably my first red pill was the Christian church, realizing how quickly they will turn against you rather than accept new questions. Then diet, realizing the standard American diet was faked science to promote their subsidized agriculture. Then once I realized govt was willing to fake food data, I knew the gloves were off and it's been a constant search for data for years.
I'm afraid I've gone too deep. Everything is under their watch, their control, their influence. Not only religion and diet, but history, education, how to exercise, who to date, what to say, finances and the Fed, taxes, laws as the right to use violence against whoever disagrees or doesn't pay, agriculture is going to cause a disease epidemic, possibly pandemic, everything is getting more and more sick and unhealthy and my desire has always been to be more healthy. Then it seems like every avenue I want to pursue to increase health is stopped by more govt, banks, or brainwashed society members.
It seems like there are no options left. I don't know how much time we have before the collapse, but I don't even feel like I can talk with anybody about the immense weight of the knowledge of all these red pills. Nobody would even begin to understand what I mean by "Hitler did nothing wrong" (I don't entirely agree, but nobody can hold a hypothetical in their head without losing their shit). Nobody would understand it's moot mindless complaining or fear mongering when I'm talking about how the banks have our collective nuts in a vice grip, much less that the people behind it are insanely well organized and powerful. Which brings me to my ultimate realization that feels black pill: this is my enemy's world, and my enemy only wants evil, violence, slavery, theft, destruction, and selfishness, and they've had thousands of years to work out their plan meanwhile most of us are only a few years into it at best, yet everyone else is so far from being able to comprehend such a simple concept that scientific data may be corrupted for monetary gains.
I'm not depressed. In fact, I feel generally happier than ever because I understand so much more about the world. I'm working on being as self sufficient as possible, making gains and feeling good. The latest red pill regarding the non aggression principle has done wonders on my relationships. I had a bout of depression last winter and I feel I've worked through a lot of it.
This is different. This is the weight of a massive amount of knowledge that feels crippling. I'm afraid that any corner I turn, my attempts at self sufficiency are going to be attacked. That I'm too dangerous of a man because I know how to live freely and I want to talk to others about it. At this point it feels like any move I make is inviting a target. Help me find some direction, goats. I'm don't want to say fuck it to everyone else but they are so far behind and they won't pick up the pace. They want to take a nap when our enemies are sprinting faster and faster. Sigh...
Thanks for reading.